LIGHTing up Cali

Being here in Cali with my fam after about 3-4 years hiatus from my annual summer visits feels SO good. More than feeling the scorching sun that burns my skin so much more than in Illinois (which I love because I need some color); more than being surrounded again by the beautiful scenery of palm trees, flowers, and distant mountains; more than getting to watch the Lakers in the playoffs (since the Bulls are out) while IN Cali…some of my most favorite people in the world are here. People that I miss so much when I am away from them, especially for a long period of time. And I know God has called me here to California this summer not for a vacation, but as a missionary to reach out to my family that HE loves so much. So that’s why I’m here. I’m I’ll prepared, but He continues to equip me in every way and by His grace, I’ve seen the fruit so far. I have been called according to His purpose, and have never been so happy to serve the Lord.

If you read this and have time, please lift up a prayer for faithfulness, boldness in sharing, and open hearts for seeds to be sown. Thanks!

And He Will Deliver Us

2 Corinthians 1: 10 -

He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.

What hope & encouragement. Finals week. Let’s go, last few days.

Surpassing Greatness

Just finished the hardest anatomy exam I have taken thus far. I could definitely be moping right now, but I’m not. I could be worried about what this means for my grade, my GPA, my chances of getting into grad school, my desired future as a PT…but I’m not. I did my best with what I had. But more than this, my grade, whether it turns out to be an A or an F, is nothing compared to this surpassing greatness and peace:

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ [Philippians 3:8]

Where to go from here? Keep marchin’ on…for Jesus!

Work Wholeheartedly

Really quick post so that I don’t forget these blessings and convictions.

There was a lot to do this week, and there is a lot to do next week as well, and I’m sure everyone else’s academic and work schedules are just as hectic. I was blessed by this past week’s Bible study on Romans 16, a passage that–to a person whose heart is not open/seeking to find the deeper meaning behind it–simply was a passage full of names of people and short tidbits about those people. It was so much more than a list of names. These people were all partners of Paul for the gospel (ha, my previous post…) who labored and toiled for the one and only goal for which they deemed absolutely worth risking their lives. They were hard workers, did not let up, and did everything “IN CHRIST” or “IN THE LORD”. What amazing men and women of God! Paul’s homeboys and homegirls that he loved dearly, mentioning them each by name, commending them for their work for God, greeting and acknowledging them for their struggle for the gospel. These men and women did not live comfortable lives; on the contrary, their lives were often in jeopardy because of the positions they put themselves in to assist and support Paul for the sake of the gospel, no matter what it may have cost them.

We are the same as these workers, these people of the church, as we are called to be missionaries exactly where we are in the positions that we are in. During small group, I shared about being more prayerful for my calling as a student, because lately I’ve been getting discouraged by my inability to excel at anatomy, a class that is KEY to my pre-PT track, the knowledge that I’ll need to know the best for my desired profession. The details of it all are overwhelming, and at times mundane. But my desire to learn is there and is SO strong. Sometimes, it’s too strong haha because it leads me to get discouraged more easily when I don’t immediately understand. I want to be an excellent student for Christ, especially for this class since it is something that I am interested in and want to know inside and out. So I started to pray during class on Tuesday:

Lord, I want to know You more through this anatomy. I don’t exactly know when I will need to know or use this particular information about the lymphatic system when I am (hopefully!) a physical therapist, but Lord, I know You created this system and Your glory and sovereignty are displayed through it, like it is in ALL things. I want to know You more through this anatomy. I am not too good at it, I don’t perform well on these really difficult exams, but it’s OK. Let the grades not discourage me from having this desire to learn and try my best. You’re the most important thing in my life, and I know this is important to You, so let it be important to me too. Help me have this correct perspective for this class, as well as in all of my classes, and help me to be encouraged that at the moment, I am doing exactly what you have called me to do. And truthfully, I can say with all of my heart that this is how I feel: there is no sweeter place to be than in Your will. And for this and an infinite number of other things, I am thankful.

God answered my prayer during class. I was overcome with peace and increased desire to try even harder to listen and understand. Granted, it wasn’t like an “a-HA!” moment that everything suddenly made sense…no, the lymphatic system still doesn’t make much sense to me. But the difference was my heart. God’s encouragement helped me and continues to help me persevere. As I continue to pray through my studies and the many things I have on my to-do list, God truly does answer. Just like this week, He knew how busy I was and how many things I needed to accomplish, so He ran my schedule and provided me everything I needed to finish all things. Just like today, when He guided me through my exam this morning that I could have been more prepared for, and how He provided me with more time today than I had initially had so that I can get more work done. Bottom line: He is my strong tower (Proverbs 18:10), He is working for my good (Romans 8:28), and therefore, in the face of discomfort and busy-ness, I will work wholeheartedly for Him each day for the rest of this semester and for the rest of my life (Joshua 14), because He is more than worth it.

Partnership in the Gospel

I was so blessed throughout the process of preparing for special praise with our small and ABEL 1 & 6. Song: Lord, I Need You by Chris Tomlin. What a beautiful song. And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You…Jesus, You’re my hope and stay. Getting together multiple times this weekend to practice and pray together was seriously wonderful, especially since we don’t have many opportunities to fellowship like that with another area that often. The fervent prayers that we lifted up to God to bless our congregation and meet them where they are were answered! Praise God that so many people came up to me afterward and said how they were really moved by special praise today. It sounded beautiful to me haha–probably because I love this song–especially with the french horn (Laura!) and cello (Haeran!). But most of all, proclaiming each lyric from our hearts…wow. It definitely was not just a song, not just instruments, not just us being up there on stage in front of many people, but it was WORSHIP that God used for His glory. I am in awe of how God uses small, insignificant people like us to bless His people and to build up His church. What other response is there but to explode in worship daily, just as we did today on this Palm Sunday?

But as our small groups were preparing and trying our best to perfect the song and make it excellent for Christ, I felt a strong sense of power in the body of Christ. We didn’t know each other that well, nor did we get many opportunities to talk, but we had a common goal, one purpose, and were unified under one name: Jesus. And that’s all it took to bring us together. (just as the name of Jesus brought our volleyball team “Kingdom Mind-SET” together this weekend at the CHSA tournament!) I see the power of the name of Jesus, and the amazing things that God can and will do through us if we only ask. It’s a privilege to partner in the gospel with brothers and sisters for the sake of serving our King.

³ I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. ⁷ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸ God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. [Philippians 1: 3-8]

*Remember this. Build up (do NOT tear down) my brothers and sisters in any way. They are my family, whether I am close to them or not. Keep them in my heart. For JESUS, build them up in love, and just as I long to be sanctified, long for their sanctification (love them as myself.)

Luke 18: 19, 27

This past Wednesday, I had a really tough conversation with my 14 year-old cousin. This girl is like my baby sister, and I am SO thankful for her. She just entered high school this year (wow, can’t believe that she’s at Niles North now…just graduated there in 2009) and is getting accustomed to being in a much bigger school with many more people. She had her set of friends at her Old Orchard Junior High, and they were really tight. They hung out everyday–went to the mall, movies, parks, each others’ houses…pretty much anything they could think of. She told me that they made promises to each other not to get into “bad things” when they got to high school, especially with her closest friends. Now that she’s more than halfway into freshman year, she was telling me of the many disappointments she has experienced already. According to her, almost every kid that she knows at North either drinks or smokes (tobacco AND/or weed), including her old set of friends from junior high. Promises weren’t kept. Not only that, but she’s struggling with teachers who don’t take her seriously and classmates/friends that just don’t want to learn. I’m sure the North still has a lot of great things going on, but it’s sad that this negative side of school is hindering her ability to see those great things. I tried to advise her what clubs and activities to join, who to go to for counseling, which teachers to seek out if she truly wants to make an impact (Sharma!!), etc. I felt pretty hopeless when I had to tell her that not all friends she made in the past are going to be her good friends now and throughout high school, and she’s experienced that feeling of let-down already. I hated seeing her hurt and angry as she told me about these things, but I just listened and tried to suppress my desire to try and fix everything. She told me that it took her so long to forgive even one person for not keeping his promise of staying away from the “bad things”, and this was one of her best friend/brother-type peeps. I know this guy too, and I was really shock that he fell under peer pressure. I guess it just goes to show how strong the influence of the world is, that even people that you least expect to fall can fall. (*note: don’t neglect even the “spiritually strongest” ones in prayer…if anything, they need it the most.)

During the conversation, I felt that God was really using me to be a listening, caring ear for my baby cousin. By the sounds of her venting, she had not shared this with anyone before–at least not to anyone that really cared to listen and give constructive feedback. I tried to keep in mind that her vision was much more short-term, and that she wanted answers and solutions immediately, especially with regards to what SHE could do about the issues around her. She basically wanted to be the solution to all of the problems around her. (laughed in my head. sounds like someone I know very well…..) So I told her I was the same way, that I always want to solve all of my own and everyone else’s problems. She was completely baffled at how people fall into peer pressure so easily, but I told her that we cannot control anything that other people do. Simply put: we are NOT God. GOD is God, and we are not.

I tried to give her hope though, so I told her to try praying for her friends and let God do the work in their lives. She quickly responded that “not even prayer would be able to help or change them at this point.” This kind of saddened me–especially thinking of how God felt at that moment when He heard His daughter speak those words–and I wanted to quickly respond right back, but instead I just smiled and told her “You’d be surprised!” In my head I was thinking, Oh God, this is just how I am sometimes. So little faith in what you can do! The power of Your name! The wonders that prayers can accomplish! How dare I EVER doubt Your abilities when I’ve seen prayers answered and Your glory revealed right before my eyes. Please help increase my baby cousin’s faith that she may KNOW You and BELIEVE in You, just as I have ONLY by Your grace.
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” [Luke 18:27]

We continued talking, playing guitar, and writing letters for her brother for his graduation as she was leaving within the next couple days for the Philippines to attend it. It was quality time. She broke my heart a little bit more before I left ha, telling me that she doesn’t really have anyone in her life to look up to, and named people that she thought she could look up to but learned that she really couldn’t. After I left, I was sitting in my car and realized that one of God’s purposes for me this break was to support my brothers and sisters, including her, my little sis, through counseling (by God’s wisdom, not my own (because I have none of my own)), and through encouragement. God has been convicting me to do things that are out of out of my comfort zone, so I am simply trying to obey with joy in my heart from being used for His Kingdom work. My cousin texted me when I got home, truly the sweetest text I have ever received and I hope she doesn’t mind me writing the conversation here:

Her: Thank you so much for stopping by today. I really needed that talk. I learned a really good lesson from you ate (Tagalog for ‘older sister’). Thank you for always being there for me when no one really could. Love you

Me: Anytime! Love you too. What was the lesson?

Her: That I need to learn to not always have to worry about my friends. But also to just say no. It’s funny how when you teach me the same lesson that I have been taught my whole life. It really just hit me now.

Me: : )))) Have a good balance between not worrying but BEING CONCERNED for them and loving them, but also setting yourself apart.

Her: I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to at least try.

Me: I know you can do it! : )))

Her: I really hope so! Ate guess what?

Me: What?

Her: I do have someone who I can really look up to!

Me: Hahaha aww. Hey just know that anything good in me is because of Jesus. You may not understand now but you will soon!

Her: What do you mean by that?

Me: I will blog about it soon and hopefully it will help explain.

So here it is, the blog I promised myself I would write, for her, for the Lord, and for anyone who may stumble upon it.

Anything good in me is because of Jesus. In Luke chapter 18, after a ruler called Jesus the “Good Teacher”, this was Jesus’ response: “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone.” [Luke 18:19] So little sis, this is why I said what I said, that anything good in me is because of Jesus. Just the same as me saying anything good in me is because of God, because Jesus IS God. I definitely should not be praised for anything good that you see in me, please praise God! He has done great work in my life, giving me wisdom so that I may help you in your times of need. So just as Jesus pointed to His heavenly Father when someone called him “good”, I want to, in the same way, point to my Heavenly Father when you call me “good” or “awesome” or when you compliment or thank me for anything. I love you so much! But my love is incomparable to the love that Jesus has for you. And I hope all of this makes sense.

Big World, Little Me

This post may very well not make any sense and/or may seem irrelevant to anyone who may read it; these are just more jumbled thoughts that occurred this past Thursday through which God spoke to me very directly, and I just don’t want to forget.

On Thursday, I went to the International Studies Building on 5th & Chalmers to attend a seminar on Braceros for extra credit for my Latino Studies class. I had never been in this foreign (heh) building before, and I got kind of lost looking for it. I entered the building and tried to look for the room I was supposed to be in. The lecture had started already, and it was a pretty small group discussion plus it was being video-recorded, so I decided not to go in and interrupt; I ended up just sitting outside and listening to the lecture/discussion from outside the door. (this act of just sitting outside the door was because of my sin hah, but more on that later!) I looked around as I was sitting on the floor outside the door, and observed many things: the office of the Director for ALL Study Abroad Programs on campus + the director himself (who was THE sweetest man ever!); other seminars and programs in motion at the same time as the one I was listening to; professors and advisors going in and out of their offices running on their daily schedule; students entering and exiting the building doors that stood before me, and many other things that were novel simply because of the setting.

So my thoughts. So many activities happening in this one building that I had never been in before. People teaching and being educated on things that I will probably never learn about in my lifetime. Everyone that entered and exited this building was probably associated with International Studies in one way or another, a field of study for which I am still not even sure what kind of occupations are offered. Each of these people had schedules, priorities, goals, a STORY of which I was not aware. (except for the friend that I made outside in the hallway who wanted to go to the same lecture as me; we ended up sitting in the hallway together and talking haha). All this in just one small building on campus, out of the hundreds of buildings on our campus alone, and 40,000+more people attending our university of whom I am unaware. SO many more fields of study, programs, activities, seminars, professors, advisors, PEOPLE…with priorities, goals, STORIES.
Bottom line: this world is huge. I was able to see just a tiny glimpse of how large and diverse this world is, how so much is going on around me of which I am unaware, how engulfed I am in my own world, how little I care about people and things around me, and, ultimately, how little I care about and know the true meaning of the maximum glory of God. This ME. ME. ME. mentality is not conducive to working for the maximum glory of God. I’m thankful that despite my lack of urgency and care, despite my prayerlessness and selfishness, God still chooses to open my eyes to these wonderful lessons of grace and continues to convict my heart of things I would not have even thought twice about if it were just up to me, bringing me to change for His sake.

This week: Have the perspective of Big world, little me. I am so little compared to God and all that is under His reign. I want to be less self-focused and see the world around me how God sees it–a world in need of Christ. I want to care for what God cares for. Absolutely love what God loves (sinners, everyone), and hate what He hates (sin). Have a prayerful heart for ALL people that I encounter while here at home, both those that I know and those that I don’t. Who cares if I’m not getting what I want? God has perfect purpose in everything, in all that He gives and doesn’t give me. But I have ALREADY RECEIVED my prize, my pride, my everything in JESUS. Remember this. & maybe pray for calling and future (omg) over this break. …excited/anxious to see what God has in store for my life. YES. But for now, this is my mission field.